My choice to be home

I've known I needed to document this experience for awhile. I kept putting it off until finally tonight I couldn't sleep because I knew it needed to be done, and so here I am- typing away in the middle of the night, when sleep is so precious at the stage of life I'm in. I guess its that important.

Recently I studied the effects of a righteous woman. I began to study this because of an experience I had where I needed reassurance from Heavenly Father that I was doing the right thing. In October Devin participated in the Global Nuclear Conference with some of the brightest minds in the world in nuclear power. I got to attend a very eloquent banquet with him at the close of the conference. I sat at a table with some fascinating men and women. After talking to one woman about her work she said, “Now, what do you do?” and after a little hesitation, I said to her, “I get to stay home with my 3 beautiful daughters.” She looked at me and said, “Oh… That’s sweet.” but looking at me like that's anything but sweet. Another woman near me said, “Ya, the cost of day care is really expensive.” It started out being really funny to me that they thought the only reason a woman would chose to stay at home was because she was too stupid or too poor to afford day care. But as the evening wore on I began thinking, “I have a brain too. Maybe it is time for me to make my mark again working full time.”

Unfortunately, the next few days I spent my time being wounded, angry and put out because of my "unlucky predicament" to be at home with my kids. Thankfully after a few days of making everyone around me miserable, I turned to the scriptures for answers. 

In the Book of Mormon, I studied the story of a murderous people that were converted to God. The King made a speech to these people about all the murders they committed and said, “Now, my best beloved brethren… let us stain our swords no more…” and asks them to bury their weapons. I thought a lot about what the women in this story went through, and tried to see this experience through their perspective. These women allowed their husbands (and perhaps contributed themselves) to bury all their weapons of war. It sounds like most of the time these weapons were used in the offense. When the women urged or consented to their husbands to bury their weapons that left the man defenseless to protect his wife and children from others that would try to destroy them. That's a lot of faith!

Later, their enemies came into their land ready for battle. These newly converted women let their husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, etc. go up to the battlefront. They knew perfectly well this could be their last embrace or kiss, and these men they love might never make it back home. These women knew that the swords would stay buried, and these men were leaving empty handed with not so much as a shield or a rock in their hand to defend themselves.

And still, these women let them go. They might have to raise their children without a help meet, or grow up without a patriarch or big brother, or outlive their son, or have fewer opportunities to marry, but their faith outweighed their fear. 

Many of these men did die, and many of these women faced mortality without their valiant men. But these women taught their children through their example and their words to put God first, and everything will be ok. I know that because of the account of their sons later on in the Book of Mormon, when they were put in a scary situation on the battle front, “they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God will deliver them” (Alma 56:47). I want to be like those mothers, that let their children know God through their daily actions and choices. How could my kids learn that from me if I spent all day apart from them? Isn't this life preparation to meet God after all? How could a salary compensate for missed learning and teaching opportunities with my daughters?! It can't.

Julie B. Beck a past General RS President said Children are being born into a world where they “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).1 However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.

I am thankful for the opportunity I had to remove the philosophies of popular culture out of my heart, although I'm positive I'll have to relearn this multiple times. I've had my eyes opened and eternal perspective expanded to cherish my role as mother and nurturer to my daughters.